Unimportance: You.

I know this is not a diary, but it is going to drive me nuts if I cannot type this out right now so go ahead and waste your time reading this if you want, but this one is mainly for myself.

My implications to you:
I now know that everything you once said was never the truth. Replace me, it is okay. I know you are only replacing me, because it is what you thought I once did to you; when really, it was never intensional. But I am sorry for my misleads. I thought you were different. Yet again, you prove me wrong---I wish it were the opposite. I love you; something I once believed in; something I wanted to be true more than anything in my life; and something I used to tell you every single day before closing my eyes at night. You ruined alot of things for me, but yet I had let you ruin them for me. I had let you take away my chances of being happy; and I had let you break me down, and keep me down like an anchor, but only for the fact that: I had loved you. Loved, past tense. No longer going to let you break me down. Done.

Ugh. My implications of and to you are unbearably unhealthy. I hate myself for all them; they seem as though they are taking over my life. A lie; and another stab through and to my heart. Everytime I see your face I see disgust. I also seem to regonize the past that you and I had once lived together. I thought you would change; again, you prove me wrong. I learned that in time you will change, but I cannot make you. And yet I stood by your side, after by passing every mistake, and I seem to be the idiot in this position; in this mixmatch of a situation. No longer being your rebound and your fallback. Your bestfriend and sister---and everything in between, you had once said I was; but never really the truth, was it? I am sorry, but only for myself. I loved you forever, until this day. This day is now forever, but I now leave this forever day in the past. And I hate myself for thinking that your forever would actually last. Thankyou, for wasting my time. Thankyou, for all the lies. I made my mistakes. And I am now fixing the wrong. Breaking off what was once a whole section of my life and my heart; and now disowning everything of yours. I do not hate you, but I do hate the way you are; and it is people like you that make people like me a better person, and make people like me go farther in life. Past jugdement through me. You under estimated me. Negative impacts that mean nothing in the end; and making me feel like it was all me, but I know that I should have known better. Implications I say: YOU. You; always you.

I hope you find what you are looking for, because it is obvious that I could not give it to you. I wish you the best; because I know my love for you will always be there. I know what love is; and it was definitely not something you were able to give me. But I loved you; I really did. From day 1: 082907. I really loved you. And overall I always will<3


Over it. And done.